Sunday, July 23, 2006

a few down, many more to go...i still miss u...

it's not easy. it really isnt. life doesnt get harder than this. but i know it's gonna be. i know Allah will push me to a point where i never thought i will reach. i'm sure that He is gonna challenge me until i am the strongest that i can ever be. mentally, physically, academically and in every aspect of my life. yes ppl, i realise that my future is the biggest hurdle i'm going to face.

but pls, i'm tired. i'm sooo exhausted. yes i know i can get thru this. with Rina, my family and my friends by my side. it's a fact that i got thru a few hurdles before. problem with my confidence, problem with my studies, problems with my parents, finding out who i really am. those stuff are nothing lah compared to this. but i know i have it in me to jump over this hurdle. and yes, i have every confidence that life would be much better after that. much much better than what i'm going thru now.

just now i made myself a cup of teh. very nice, sweet, 2 packets in 1 cup of teh. i put it aside and continued to finish washing the very dirty dishes. while washing, Rina opened the fridge and started making a fuss. she was trying to reach for something and kept moaning "Rina nak...Rina nak..". i remained calm and told her patiently that Mama will help her as soon as she finishes. so ok, the dishes were done, i helped Rina put her cereal in a bowl, i grabbed my teh and settled down in front of the tv. Rina being her kaypoh-self of course asked for sips of teh. me being in my malas-nak-layan-pasal-nak-dier-tido-cepat-pasal-nak-habiskan-lessonplan-mode gave in to her. cut the story short, Rina dropped the cup, teh spilled on the tilam and i blew my top off.

and me being soft-hearted and bad-tempered ALWAYS regret blowing my top off. feeling overwhelmed, i stopped for a moment and thought of who to call. but at last, i kissed Rina and reassured her that Mama doesnt hate her. i sat down and decided to blog. i explained to her that it's very difficult for Mama and that if she behaves this way every day, Mama will be very tired. of course Rina doesnt understand a word i said. but yeah, i tried. maybe 1 day she'll understand. maybe...

oh, and i have 4 observations to go. which means i have an ob every day of the week. except for my last day. i hope ah. practicum sucks lah...

Ya Allah, ampunilah segala dosa-dosaku. Jauhikanlah syaitan daripadaku dan berilah iman kepadaku. Ya Allah, aku hanyalah hambamu yg lemah. Beriku kekuatan dan tunjuklah jalan yg benar.

Al-fateha untuk Haji Rahim bin Hassan.
Atuk, Nana masih rindukan Atuk. Semalam Nenek ceritakan Atuk selalu dukung Nana bila Nana masih di kindergarten. Bila akan kita bertemu lagi? Bila lagi Nana boleh cium tangan Atuk dan peluk Atuk? Kenapa mesti Atuk pergi tinggalkan kami? Nana belum sempat cakap Nana sayangkan Atuk.

i have to stop. i cant see the words thru the tears in my eyes. i read it somebody's blog that she always salam her husband and seek forgiveness from him every night before they go to sleep. why didnt i do that before? now i'll never have the chance.

Suliana Hot Momma at 10:15 PM

3comments

3 Comments

at July 23, 2006 11:19 PM Anonymous Anonymous said...

hehe. made myself a cup of TEH. i loike. so melayu.
daaaaaa daaaaaa... takmo emo emo...
and yeah i do tat salam thing also. alah. ibarat ckp gd nite jer. bsk buat lagi salah! muahaha.
dun be too hard on urself

 
at July 26, 2006 9:30 AM Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi su.. i happen to pass by your blog. u seem to have tough things going on.

are u alright? take care.

 
at July 29, 2006 6:27 PM Blogger SHéRA said...

Take care hun....stay strong and God willin', good things will come again. :) I know we ain't really close but if you need someone to whine/bitch to...you know where to look for me!

Toodles!

 

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